From the Colosseum

Sometimes, it feels like my entire life is an out-of-body experience. There are moments...a few minutes, a couple times a year maybe...when I come back into my body and realize that yes, I am me. I am Melissa. I'm living this life, not just watching from somewhere far away. I realize I am not a separate person, I am myself. 

I'm not an observer, following a young lady through the ups and downs of her life. That joy and euphoria that She felt, I felt. The absolute and perfect bliss She used to feel, I felt. That mistake She made? Yeah, that was all me. The guilt was mine, too. The boy who doesn't love Her anymore doesn't love me either.

I have to make the decisions. I can't just sit back and wait for Her to choose a major, or decide to go out and do something with her life.The false sense of apathy I sometimes feel as a supposed observer isn't going to cut it.

I realize I am not a spectator, cheering on the Gladiator sparring with the lion. I am the Gladiator, and I am a few bad calls away from getting eaten.