Home

I think I want to go home. The problem? I'm not sure I know where home is anymore.

Is it my hometown? The place I lived for 18 years? I've been missing it lately. My beautiful mountains, my sky, my sunsets out by the volcanos. I miss my city lights, and the view from my kitchen window. I miss what I used to have there, but I think that's gone forever. I miss my friend(s). My parents are there I guess, in the house I grew up in. Quietly doing what they've always done. But in a house where we keep to ourselves and I have to go out to get any normal human interaction, am I home?

Is this my home? This tiny college dorm room in this college town where everyone is the same? Don't get me wrong, I like it here. It's just that sometimes I think about the people here...how they're all so perfect and happy and I'm not, and then I feel trapped and want to leave. I hate the tiny room and the tension and the shallow relationships and not being able to cook or watch a movie. And sometimes I feel so lonely here, I want to scream.

I feel pretty lost, I'm not going to lie. I guess I'll go work on the getting found part.